Non Relinquam In Arca Operculo!
Gamers 121: 41 Haters
6 days ago
6 days ago
6 days ago
Two rival houses warring against each other for control of the land, which just so happens to be watched over by a huge angry dragon. Hate it when that happens! Highlights include:
- It's the first game we can't actually pronounce...
- What is Qoam anyway?
- A dragon is basically a fantasy WMD
- My lair has layers...
Thursday Nov 23, 2023
Thursday Nov 23, 2023
Thursday Nov 23, 2023
This week, we're faced with multiple dilemmas of trolley murder. Who can make the best moral arguments between increasingly ridiculous options? Highlights include:
- You can't cull games from someone else's collection...
- Amanda keeps her games hidden, like she's embarrassed or something?
- Knowing someone is not the same as liking someone...
- Oh, Gandhi no!
- You can't kill your own mother!
- Who cares about young George Washington?
- Not many people can say they've met a leprechaun...
- Literally no-one will miss Justin Bieber...
- Some people are binmen, some people are lawyers, and some people euthanise animals...
- Fuck your boss!
- Malala? She's peaked...
- If you're dumb enough to set up your table on a train track, you deserve everything you get...
- Surely nobody's gonna target me for The Purge?
- It wouldn't be an episode with the girls without some Munchkin bashing...
- I get desecrated...
Thursday Nov 16, 2023
Thursday Nov 16, 2023
Thursday Nov 16, 2023
Don't panic! But we discuss why you might, whether we have, and would we regret culling boardgames! Highlights include:
- You can't move house every time you run out of shelf space
- There's some shocking revelations for Mark
- Monopoly causes an argument
- Do you collect or curate?
Thursday Nov 09, 2023
Thursday Nov 09, 2023
Thursday Nov 09, 2023
Just another day's work for our crew - delivering post/hunting a bounty on Colony 9, planet of the Reborn! What could go wrong, right?
Thursday Nov 02, 2023
Thursday Nov 02, 2023
Thursday Nov 02, 2023
Team PJJ are back, and this time we're trying to escape the plague ridden town of Bristol on an apple cart. As you do. Highlights include:
- Overview!
- The Chandler: one of the lowest ranking citizens of Bristol
- It's simple: get to the front and stay at the front
- Time for a cart party
- I feel sorry for the chickens
- We go on a bardcore tangent
- Did Forbidden Planet exist in 1350?
Thursday Oct 26, 2023
Thursday Oct 26, 2023
Thursday Oct 26, 2023
I did something extremely uncharacteristic and entered a game design contest! Find out how it goes!
Thursday Oct 19, 2023
Thursday Oct 19, 2023
Thursday Oct 19, 2023
Matt joins us IRL for some backstabbing traitorous card action - sadly, Claudia Winkleman is not included. Highlights that ARE included:
- False Business Alarm
- Apologies to anyone called Barbara...
- Everyone likes killing Meriel
- You don't want to out yourself as a murderer
- Prepare to have your faith in humanity destroyed
- Matt FRAGs off the cuff
- 8 year olds should be able to count to 5
Thursday Oct 12, 2023
Thursday Oct 12, 2023
Thursday Oct 12, 2023
Diseases are spreading across the world, and pretty soon they'll be too entrenched for humanity to survive - luckily there's a dispatcher and an operations expert ready to save the day. (They did not save the day) Highlights include:
- Featuring the well known 'Ugh Mechanic'
- Tokyo exploded
- And now, it's the shittery phase
- The game itself is a pandemic
Thursday Oct 05, 2023
Thursday Oct 05, 2023
Thursday Oct 05, 2023
This week, we're turning our hand to farming - but can we harvest a crop of lovely cabbages before those bloody cows trample all over them? Highlights include:
- This episode is udderly delightful
- Nobody wants to play Mark's games...
- Hong Kong: it's a mystery
- One cow ruins the cabbage salad
Thursday Sep 28, 2023
Thursday Sep 28, 2023
Thursday Sep 28, 2023
A desolate space station, drifting through space - are we going to try and fix it? No of course not, we're fighting each other, obviously! Highlights include:
- I forgot to tell the girls the name of the game
- We learn all about apostrophes
- Good job nobody got penetrated by the Greys
- The Marines will win. End of.
- Guns are better than Science
- The tragic tale of the Small Laboratory...
Thursday Sep 21, 2023
Thursday Sep 21, 2023
Thursday Sep 21, 2023
Riley joins us for our next design challenge - games that can fit on a single playing card! But will the limitations prove too much? Highlights include:
- Mark almost does an infinite dice roll
- Together, Mark and Riley become a teacher's worst nightmare
- Wait... Maths?
- What is the Mac equivalent of Paint?
- Ever wanted to have a staring contest but not known how? We can help!
- It's Beetle Drive, but with the Key To Time
- No Relinquams In Arkham Horror Operculo
Thursday Sep 14, 2023
Thursday Sep 14, 2023
Thursday Sep 14, 2023
After escaping Fraxia Beta, the crew of the AGA-0 take a much needed break at The Space Bar...
Thursday Sep 07, 2023
Thursday Sep 07, 2023
Thursday Sep 07, 2023
This week, we play around with ChatGPT - can it make a convincing boardgame? How does it know what a boardgame even is? Is it actual magic? Highlights include:
- Dinosaurs? They're so 90s Germany
- I'd actually play Nightmare Manor
- It knows all the buzzwords
- Roll It To 5... otherwise known as Yahtzee
- Aqua Doodle Challenge sounds well shit
- Keep rolling those dice, strategising those moves, and sharing the joy
Thursday Aug 31, 2023
Thursday Aug 31, 2023
Thursday Aug 31, 2023
The court is in session as we attempt to solve your gaming dilemmas! Highlights include:
- Judge Judy gets quite a lot of airtime
- Not sponsored by McDonald's, honest
- Fictional Derek takes a bashing
- Most of these problems can be solved by simply uninviting the undesirable guest
- Sometimes you just need to be a bit harsh, and sometimes you need to just chill out
- If you need to confront someone, wait for Nan's birthday
- Who is Hans and why are we holding him?
- You stand accused of Ludophilia
Thursday Aug 24, 2023
Thursday Aug 24, 2023
Thursday Aug 24, 2023
We have to get the ring to Mordor before we're overwhelmed by its corruption - watch out for goblins! Highlights include:
- Gutted for the Diana Jones award
- Get ready for Welsh
- Sarah doesn't know who anybody is
- Check out that field though!
- Dead grandma banter
- There's some disgusting goblin racism
- Turns out in a co-op game, we actually have to work together
- We're all agreed, we don't use the ring, right Sarah? Right Sarah???
- Come on Frodo, stop crying and just get on with it
Thursday Aug 17, 2023
Thursday Aug 17, 2023
Thursday Aug 17, 2023
We play 26 games in a row - one for every letter of the alphabet! Highlights include:
- They didn't know the time in the olden days
- We try and stick to gaming par
- Hostage Negotiator becomes Hostage Murderer
- International Rescue can only help you once they've rolled a 6
- We show the harsh contrast between set up time and play time
- Shadi Torbey gets an official apology
- A 15 year old could eat a meeple
- The Table Is Lava got my child hooked on... lava
- We lose our head start around W
Thursday Aug 10, 2023
Thursday Aug 10, 2023
Thursday Aug 10, 2023
We're back on Fireball Island! Highlights include:
- Strap in for some cool ice puns
- The island gets bastardy
- Would you rather be permanently injured, or lose some treasure?
- We spend a considerable amount of time discussing 'Model Railway: The Board Game'
- I can't get used to saying X instead of Twitter
Thursday Aug 03, 2023
Thursday Aug 03, 2023
Thursday Aug 03, 2023
This time our battle rages across the Dreamlands - watch out for Zoogs! Highlights include:
- Why would you even go to the Underworld?
- The Bhole... sounds shit
- I can't wait to DICER this game
- Can you make a board game out of ice? Why has nobody done this?
- This is the Playmobil of board games
- Mark doesn't care whether he's invading a country or a library
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
Thursday Jul 27, 2023
After taking a direct hit to the engines and leaving Jack behind on Fraxia Beta, the crew of the AGA-0 are forced to make some hasty repairs!
Thursday Jul 20, 2023
Thursday Jul 20, 2023
Thursday Jul 20, 2023
A light-hearted boardgame with a fatal curse... can we solve the mystery of The Ghost in the Attic? Highlights include:
- Anybody for Cribbage?
- We wasted the first ten minutes because I can't read
- Who the fuck is Alice Brooks?
- You could wrap this back up and give it to someone else... but I won't
- You get a whole bonus game to play!
- Yeah, but what *is* an armillary sphere?
- Beware the freaky clawboards
- Ghost in the Attic? A fucking monkey could play it!
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
Thursday Jul 13, 2023
5 years! Here we look back on the last 12 months of Organised Fun! Highlights include:
- Turns out 41 is a prime number
- I get proper obsessed with the H-Index
- Bad news for Derek Ring fans (he's not dead though)
- Losing your fingers: probably not a dream come true
- Quite often, when you buy something, you know what it is
- Thoughts and prayers for Anneka Rice's washing machine
- The girls are proper harsh
- Sarah starts off with a board game low-light
- Bunty chooses a game from the future!
- Kimmy only likes a game if she wins
- It's a good old time
- Riley forgets Kyle's name
Thursday Jul 06, 2023
Thursday Jul 06, 2023
Thursday Jul 06, 2023
The flat gets trashed as we compete to complete random tasks! Highlights include:
- Things may get untidy
- It's my new obsession
- What would you sacrifice in the name of the game?
- Can you rediscover gravity?
- 'Fish out of water: Everything is connected'
- Meet Rory the Toilet Septopus
- Word types cause way more trouble than expected
- Americans! Have you heard of this?
Thursday Jun 29, 2023
Thursday Jun 29, 2023
Thursday Jun 29, 2023
We join the crew of the AGA-0 on a routine job, delivering a birthday gift for a Fraxis commander's daughter, but all is not as it seems...
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
Thursday Jun 22, 2023
We scratch off a poster that lists 100 board games that they think you should play! Highlights include:
- Vietnam: It's the best thing since Saudi Arabia
- What's your tally?
- Gaia from Captain Planet probably doesn't have her own board game
- Why Birmingham?
- Most board games just seem to be 'where can we build a civilisation?'
- Did they make a board game about a cruise ship disaster?
- Where is Mombasa?
- Just because you like games doesn't mean you know every game ever
Thursday Jun 15, 2023
Thursday Jun 15, 2023
Thursday Jun 15, 2023
We start the final game in our Renegade RPG series, Teens In Space! How will it compare to Bikes and Brooms? Highlights include:
- We hear lots more celebrities and fictional characters for game night!
- Will Riley ever shut up?
- Bunty's character gets right slated
- We love a good pressure gauge...
Thursday Jun 08, 2023
Thursday Jun 08, 2023
Thursday Jun 08, 2023
It's the sequel to last week's minisode, and this time we're inviting fictional characters to our game night! Who will have cultivated the best guest list? Highlights include:
- Anneka Rice drops us a tweet
- We're so predictable that we doubled up again
- Ian Malcolm vs Sherlock Holmes
- Sherlock could probably win Cluedo on the first turn
-Have you ever played a game with a fictional character? What??
Thursday Jun 01, 2023
Thursday Jun 01, 2023
Thursday Jun 01, 2023
This week, we answer the age old question of which celebrities would you invite to play boardgames? Highlights include:
- Agatha Christie would be too good at deduction games
- Boudicca would kill you if she lost
- Let's get Napoleon onto Pitchcar
- You'd get nowhere with Jeff Goldblum
- Sam West keeps his games vertically. Oh dear
- Pocahontas is not fictional
Thursday May 25, 2023
Thursday May 25, 2023
Thursday May 25, 2023
It's a small world, after all! Various civilisations are vying for control of the underground territories of Smallworld. Can they successfully spread their influence before they're forced to go into decline? Highlights include:
- I've done the laziest logo ever
- All the tokens did in fact spill out
- Recommended for experienced Smallworld players - whoops
- It's all about the size of your army, right?
- This is my wife, Mystic Crystal Region
Thursday May 18, 2023
Thursday May 18, 2023
Thursday May 18, 2023
The evil Fire Elementals are sweeping across the land, threatening to burn our forest to ash - the total shits! Can we strategically place some water fountains and save the day? Highlights include:
- We were definitely not skilful
- Ravage... pawn?
- Everyone knows the friendliest woodland creature is the whale
- There's lots of flame related bastardry
- What is the point of a strength zero card?
- Is that a pigaphant?
- It shows the harsh reality of forest fires
- It might be dream world, but there still needs to be rules
- Thanks for listening
Thursday May 11, 2023
Thursday May 11, 2023
Thursday May 11, 2023
For some reason, the Sydney Royal Botanical Gardens have built all their landmarks, but haven't got any paths to connect them - I hate it when that happens! Looks like it's up to us to take a walk in the park and join things up. Watch out for Bin-Chickens! Highlights include:
- Has Anneka Rice been there?
- We've never had an 'acknowledgement of country' before
- The landmarks are very pretty, but what actually are they?
- Ibises... Are they precious and protected, or scum of the skies?
- Ladies and gentlemen, it's a Write and Stroll game
- Turns out I was making a graveyard/dinosaur park
- Could you play a game 600 times?
- Practical replayability vs mental replayability
- It's a little bit griddy
Thursday May 04, 2023
Thursday May 04, 2023
Thursday May 04, 2023
Our heroes have returned from the past with the evidence they need to confront Ms Merriweather, but is she just going to allow her plans to be thwarted so easily?
Thursday Apr 27, 2023
Thursday Apr 27, 2023
Thursday Apr 27, 2023
Our crappy spaceship is awash with malfunctions, and we're only five minutes away from getting sucked into a black hole! I hate it when that happens! Can we fix the ship before total destruction? Highlights include:
- Turn on the Gigaflange!
- Oh, that's why Sarah was whispering!
- Is that part of the ship?
- It really teaches you the reality of spaceship repair
- If you leave out the bongs and dildos, you could totally play this with your mum
Thursday Apr 20, 2023
Thursday Apr 20, 2023
Thursday Apr 20, 2023
The Owl and the Pussycat went to space, then had a huge fucking battle to blow the shit out of each other! Highlights include:
- We choose ships for very different reasons
- Mark doesn't know what HUD stands for. Or EMP...
- It's dice chucking fun!
- FIRE!
- Well, that escalated!
- It has major StarFox vibes...
- If you have a plastic spaceship, why would you use a cardboard counter?
- We DO NOT give half scores
- I manage to not do a German accent
Thursday Apr 13, 2023
Thursday Apr 13, 2023
Thursday Apr 13, 2023
It's the final game of our 'Mystery Box Trilogy' - this time we're rolling dice to score points. Simple, right? Highlights include:
- Do you want chapters?
- 'Plays great with 2 players' hint hint!
- It doesn't make you feel very clever
- Do you know the difference between blue and purple? Well here's blurple!
- It's a cross between sudoku and a maths exam
- They've imagined the future, and it's brown
- It's been LTRD at 27
- You'll get clevererer each time you play
Thursday Apr 06, 2023
Thursday Apr 06, 2023
Thursday Apr 06, 2023
We aim to recreate the luxury dining experience of the Pullman car - but can we get everyone's orders sorted before their journey is complete? Highlights include:
- Alice Paster wants teacakes
- Bloody Jeanette Tipple, make your mind up!
- Can you smoke on the train? In those days, probably...
- Mark likes food, Phil likes trains... it's the perfect combo
- This game DOES NOT need a whistle
- Oh sorry madam, I got your order sorted but didn't notice
- This game makes you hungry. And also it makes you want to go on a train
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
In the second of our Alleycat Games trilogy, it's a race to explore a randomly thrown card galaxy. With cats. Obviously. Highlights include:
- Catstronauts is actually quite difficult to say
- Is it possible to have a strategy?
- Phil can't do orange and Pat can't do blue
- Should Pat start us off?
- It was the allotted amount of fun
- Your kitten needs a face
- 2 and below, that's lose territory
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
Thursday Mar 23, 2023
It's clear that Ms Merriweather is up to no good - but where to get the concrete evidence needed to bring her down? It's time to look to the past to find out what really happened on the fateful day of the Hollyfirth Flower Show!
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Thursday Mar 16, 2023
Our school trip has gone horrifically wrong and now we're stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere - but it gets worse! The boat is fucked and there appears to be a psychopathic killer lurking about - who will survive? Highlights include:
- Sarah just can't accept the fact that she was murdered
- What happened to the boat that's wrecked the battery and the propeller?
- Everyone knows killers decide their victims with 'Ip Dip Dog Shit'
- Cables for the radio? Don't need those!
- Amanda is more of a killer than the actual killer
- There's dark and moody, and then there's completely black
- Ah fuck yeah, firewood!
- Did Jane do???
- Cue the interruption shenanigans
- Even now, the Munchkin trauma runs deep
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
Thursday Mar 09, 2023
We've binned off Pluto as the ninth planet, then inexplicably gone off in search of another one. Whatever. Highlights include:
- Mark drifts off into space
- Each time you say 'Atlantis' you have to pay someone a dollar
- It's been a while since we've had a font-related FRAG
- We pause for a brief Easter egg hunt
- And now for the tax section of the podcast...
Friday Mar 03, 2023
Friday Mar 03, 2023
Friday Mar 03, 2023
World War 2 is over, and Germany now needs to redevelop its infrastructure, starting with the Autobahn network to connect the cities and get some trade going - the only problem is, we seem to be in charge of this endeavour. Eeeek! Highlights include:
- You can be charitable, you know
- Mark just wanted to drive a truck around the board
- Yes, I'm aware Copenhagen isn't a country
- If in doubt, build a service station
- If you're wondering the food I couldn't remember, it was frankfurter
- Play this game and get a free German history degree
Thursday Feb 23, 2023
Thursday Feb 23, 2023
Thursday Feb 23, 2023
We play another classic, Yahtzee! Highlights include:
- We open the mystery box!
- A Yahtzee with sixes is the king of Yahtzees, surely?
- If you don't know what you're doing by roll 2, you're screwed
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Thursday Feb 16, 2023
Hat theft is rife as we play Coppit! There doesn't appear to be any storyline going on here, just hold on to your hats! Highlights include:
- Patrick forgets what colours are
- Play until Meriel gets stupid and bitchy
- What's your strategy? One hat? Two hats? Not... THREE HATS??
- There's gonna be a coppin'
- It's a 'Grandma's House' game
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
Thursday Feb 09, 2023
We're enrolled at VGHS - a brutally competitive institution training the elite gamers of tomorrow! Who will rise to the number one top spot, and who will get totally pwnd? Highlights include:
- Amanda has clearly never seen Guinan before
- VGHS is loud
- Jane's speciality = being the worst
- Stupid Ted Wong!
- I'm an ancient looking bully
- Please welcome to the stage, Jenny and the Guns!
- RIP Marvel Dice Masters
- Amanda is a typical American
Thursday Feb 02, 2023
Thursday Feb 02, 2023
Thursday Feb 02, 2023
We embark on an epic legacy campaign chronicling the ups and downs of Isla Nublar and its genetically enhanced dinosaur occupants. Can we successfully build and run a functioning dino theme park, or will a shit load of people get eaten due to management incompetence? Highlights include:
- Do you have a board game limit?
- Kelly Malcolm gets a bashing
- Zones and Sectors... Spaces?
- Is this monster gonna eat me, or the goat next door?
- Hungry? Follow the chomp chart!
- Narratively, how would a dinosaur teleport?
- Jurassic Park, famously created by Richard Hammond
- Because why wouldn't you make a Pythonosaurus?
- Forget all about the dinosaurs escaping and all the industrial espionage, this tour group wants to see the petting zoo
- Patrick has too much whiskey
- Aww you lost - scratch off the sympathy box
- Patrick forgets what his but is
- I accidentally put wolverine DNA in my Spinosaurus
Thursday Jan 26, 2023
Thursday Jan 26, 2023
Thursday Jan 26, 2023
Board games are pretty! Board games are artistic! Show off your best/most creative boardgame photos for a chance to win a game with us! Submit on Twitter or Facebook! Highlights include:
- It's our first actual competition!
- RIP Gloria Goldberg
- Any dilemmas for the Board Game Court?
- Get submitting your pics on the socials, yeah?
Thursday Jan 19, 2023
Thursday Jan 19, 2023
Thursday Jan 19, 2023
There's a way to save Xavier! But how many times will Grace and Jessie have to repeat Thursday before they get it right?
Also, don't forget to vote for your favourite Game Night invite! Let us know either on the Facebook page or the Twitter feed!
Thursday Jan 12, 2023
Thursday Jan 12, 2023
Thursday Jan 12, 2023
This week, we're talking about what makes a game night! What's important? Who do you invite? What games do you choose? Do you just follow a spreadsheet? Highlights include:
- The people have voted: the Meeples must die!
- Three courses, like a dinner
- Welcome to game night, here's Onirim
- What's that werewolf one? ...Werewolf
- You have to trick your guests into thinking they have a choice
- No whiners
- If you're not having a good time, just leave
Thursday Jan 05, 2023
Thursday Jan 05, 2023
Thursday Jan 05, 2023
It's another December of puzzles as we endeavour to retrieve Santa's Golden Book from a mysterious thief!
Thursday Dec 29, 2022
Thursday Dec 29, 2022
Thursday Dec 29, 2022
After Dorset Applecake was eaten on live TV, the Hydra/Serpent... Hydrant? is searching for more victims - But why? What's the connection? And are our heroes at risk?
Thursday Dec 22, 2022
Thursday Dec 22, 2022
Thursday Dec 22, 2022
Grace is back from her exclusion, but in her absence, frightful machinations have been taking place - what trouble does this spell for Hollyfirth and indeed, the whole magical community?
Thursday Dec 15, 2022
Thursday Dec 15, 2022
Thursday Dec 15, 2022
Riley joins us in the royal court, where the Princess is a bit upset after her mother got arrested for treason (Understandable). It has been widely understood that the only way to cheer her up is to profess your love in a letter. So which of us will get our letter to the princess first? Will she even read it? Highlights include:
- We give you the tragic tale of Amy Johnson
- The mechanic is... cards
- Is Riley a priest?
- The protective power of Handmaids
- Batman is never seen without his velvet pouch
- The medieval times was notorious for munters and slags
Thursday Dec 08, 2022
Thursday Dec 08, 2022
Thursday Dec 08, 2022
I chat to Thatcher from Dark Doll Games all about his upcoming project Witchbound! Part choose your own adventure, part ttrpg, part puzzler - make sure you check out the project page on Gamefound!
Thursday Dec 01, 2022
Thursday Dec 01, 2022
Thursday Dec 01, 2022
Join us on the open seas as we sail our freighters around the Bermuda Triangle, trying to earn our fortunes by collecting precious cargo. Wait... is that a storm brewing? Highlights include:
- I want to watch Captain Power
- Colour-coding the FRAG page has highlighted some major concerns
- I've learned some geography
- When in doubt, get some oil
- You're not even safe in port
- Oil is worth more than sugar, yeah?
Thursday Nov 24, 2022
Thursday Nov 24, 2022
Thursday Nov 24, 2022
We were just going about our daily business in Starfleet, making some general repairs on the USS Enterprise, when we get hijacked by a bloody Klingon! Hate it when that happens! Can we get the ship back in time? Highlights include:
- It's not filmed in actual space, sorry
- You must go clockwise - it's the law of board games
- There has been a major lapse in security
- I finished the game in unnecessary stasis
- Get ready for Bij
- Sarah is an extremely 'thoughtful' player
- Nobody wants a low powered beave
- Made locally don't you know
- Amanda pulls rank
- Why are all the good guys human? Racist!
- Munchkin has really traumatised us
Thursday Nov 17, 2022
Thursday Nov 17, 2022
Thursday Nov 17, 2022
Patrick and I were just doing some casual caving when we fell down a hole and got stuck. I hate it when that happens! Can we avoid tremors, floods and toxic cave gas to escape before our torch batteries run out? Oh, and I don't think we're alone down here... Highlights include:
- Nobody in this cave is fit
- There's no action tokens, so please never mention them again
- It's a right cave of shittery
- Has anybody seen Steve?
Thursday Nov 10, 2022
Thursday Nov 10, 2022
Thursday Nov 10, 2022
Patrick and Meriel join me for an epic 15 game campaign of war, in which our world will be forever changed! Highlights include:
- Pat is a total villain
- It's all about the packs, baby
- Which shitty mangled world shall we play on today?
- Narratively speaking, I screwed myself over
- If you're not an alien or a mutant, you're basically trash
- Riots... pfff
- Unsurprisingly, there's no reward if you die
- Naming things is an immense pressure
- Some continents are just... shit
- The dice are incredibly unforgiving
- There was one day where I had the rage
- Sometimes you just have to be a bastard
- This will severely alter the victory stats
- Alaska is like, literally gone
- Jump to 3:84 for a completely out of time experience
- The highs were high and the lows were low
- You might get Risk Fatigue
Thursday Nov 03, 2022
Thursday Nov 03, 2022
Thursday Nov 03, 2022
Riley joins us as we all gather round and... dunk fake biscuits into fake tea. Why are we doing this? To avoid the sludgy cup, of course! Highlights include:
- The board did what??
- Now you can find your favourite guest's episodes!
- The rules seem to think we were doing something quite different...
- Once again, Mark forgets all the main elements of how these episodes work
- Do you like a girthy biscuit?
- Tony, what have you done?
- Do YOU know what 'The Biscuit Game' is?
- It's a tea related breakdown
- Brackets are important
Thursday Oct 27, 2022
Thursday Oct 27, 2022
Thursday Oct 27, 2022
Thanks to Cynthia Whipshaft's lies, Grace has been taken away! Can the others collect enough evidence to prove her innocence and get her back, and what will she discover up in the Welsh mountains?
Thursday Oct 20, 2022
Thursday Oct 20, 2022
Thursday Oct 20, 2022
School's out and the kids have got to get home. Trouble is, the town is full of aliens! Literally hate it when that happens! Highlights include:
- We got a rule wrong last week. What you gonna do about it?
- Now you can play Monopoly FOREVER
- Half the fun is naming the kids
- You might get stuck with a handful of bus
- Got a problem? Ask Holiday Jones
- You'll be safe at the prom, surely?
- They're not aliens, they're 'strangers'
- American bins don't typically have 'US Mail' on the side
- Why would I kill my own twins?
- Ben Stoll: King of Cryptozoic
- Mark gets confused between Marvel and DC
- Who froze?
Thursday Oct 13, 2022
Thursday Oct 13, 2022
Thursday Oct 13, 2022
Our robots are enjoying a lovely swim when a shark starts chasing them. I hate it when that happens! Who will make it to safety, and who will get bit? Highlights include:
- 'Tabletop' is just not inclusive enough... what about games you play on a lawn?
- Hey baby, wanna come play flat surface games with me?
- Congratulations to Tim!
- They have to be robots otherwise it would be a massacre
- How many bits can you break a robot into anyway?
- Hmmm... I think you can hear my tumble dryer
Thursday Oct 06, 2022
Thursday Oct 06, 2022
Thursday Oct 06, 2022
Ten turns. Four letters. Infinite possibilities (unless you're illiterate). Highlights include:
- It's the best selling game in the world, apparently
- Research (looking things up on the internet)
- Masterblind: You won't see it coming
- It's Wordle, innit
- You've got black and white pegs
- Mark admits that he turns the sound down when I'm talking
- Don't forget, there's black and white pegs
- It's not Stephen Hawking or anything
- It's got a board. It's got pegs (black and white)
- We hope you enjoy 70s Brown
- The 70s is not ancient
- If you can play it without the board and pieces, does it need to exist?
Thursday Sep 29, 2022
Thursday Sep 29, 2022
Thursday Sep 29, 2022
Chargeball is back! Now featuring slightly less shit production value, as well as some new boards, cards and tokens. Oh yeah, and a TTS version too - Woo! Highlights include:
- Throwback to Year 1
- Imagine Space Rugby. Magical Space Rugby.
- Mark talks about the hexagons like they're new, but they aren't
- Penalty cards (Copyright Riley Stock 2022)
- Get the ball. Score some points
- I Pinocchioed it
- Mark frequently forgets that he's presenting this one
- Ugh, if you want to play it yourself? Eeewww!
- Coming soon - all the games Mark hated, from worst to best worst
Thursday Sep 22, 2022
Thursday Sep 22, 2022
Thursday Sep 22, 2022
Phil, Tim and Riley compete in the Ancient Game Tomb Challenge! A set of random components have been unearthed in a freshly discovered tomb. Perhaps they are part of a game of some sort? We each pitch our games, but the vote is down to you! Highlights include:
- Which do you prefer, reviews or 'other' content?
- MS Paint for the win
- Ancient cultures really were brutal
- Riley makes us all look bad by actually creating his game
- Snakes can be tricky
- How did string survive?
- Indiana Jones has given us lots of inspiration/education
- Did I cheat? Who knows!
- I'm a total selfish bastard
- What happened to your hands, Grandma?
Thursday Sep 15, 2022
Thursday Sep 15, 2022
Thursday Sep 15, 2022
We've put out some seeds on our feeder, each hoping to collect the best selection of birds - but watch out for those bastard crows! Highlights include:
- What is this?? ~30???
- Everyone knows birds love to queue
- If a seal turns up at your feeder, you've automatically lost
- To win, you need to be strategicking
- How do you gender a bird anyway?
- Greenfinches were just not interested in our seeds
- Mark invented 'Creator Corner' then promptly forgot all about it
- Look out for the common or garden Pinchback
- What else has eggs?
Thursday Sep 08, 2022
Thursday Sep 08, 2022
Thursday Sep 08, 2022
Grace's nemesis and all-round biatch, Cynthia Whipshaft is hosting the Welcome Back Ball - can't possibly go wrong, surely?
Thursday Sep 01, 2022
Thursday Sep 01, 2022
Thursday Sep 01, 2022
Classic novelist Jane Austen has totally lost the plot and jumped on the zombie bandwagon - the only trouble is, she's set on eradicating her existing stories! Can these beloved characters endure the undead hordes for long enough to complete their narratives? Highlights include:
- It sucks to be a woman in Regency England
- You cannot romance a zombie
- LGBT, yes. Incest, no
- A lady must never be without her bin lids
- Augusta Elton. Gooseberry
- Please, Miss Austen!
- You blink, and suddenly zombies are everywhere
- She better run!
Thursday Aug 25, 2022
Thursday Aug 25, 2022
Thursday Aug 25, 2022
We are about to enter the dungeon... who knows what lurks behind the door. Will it be immense treasures or weird monsters? Who knows! Highlights include:
- Apologies for the shit quality - I got the settings wrong, whoops!
- Make way for the Dragon Master
- This game lasted 84 years
- Sarah's tinfoil hat is inordinately strong
- It's all a bit beige
- You REALLY need to read your cards
- Sarah needs to learn the meaning of 'helping'
- Amanda loves her some buffs and nerfs...
- We phoned Simon while he was driving, but it's ok, we didn't kill him
Thursday Aug 18, 2022
Thursday Aug 18, 2022
Thursday Aug 18, 2022
It's 1894 and we've decided to build a railway right to the top of Snowdon, the highest mountain in Wales (and England to be fair...) like you do. Who can build the most stuff and make the most meaningful contribution to this effort? Highlights include:
- It's the Snowdonia Deluxe Master Set, and don't you forget it!
- 30 minutes or 90 minutes: there is no middle ground
- Mark is an honorary Snowdon Mountain Railway driver
- Do they have trains in Dungeons and Dragons?
- I regularly mix up steel and iron... what you gonna do about it?
- There will be no lollygagging whatsoever
- We don't speak about the Hebron Incident
- What do you need coal for?
- Guaranteed a yeti will fuck up your railway
- Mark introduces a new section, Creator Profile
- Tony Boydell is trains to the max
- Here's the player aid tome
- Time to assign your labradors
Thursday Aug 11, 2022
Thursday Aug 11, 2022
Thursday Aug 11, 2022
Safely back from their ordeal, our heroes stumble on the perfect opportunity to explore the vaults beneath the school - will they discover anything that can help explain what's going on?
Thursday Aug 04, 2022
Thursday Aug 04, 2022
Thursday Aug 04, 2022
All of society's greatest are gathered for a simply scrumptious morning tea, but who can put on the best spread? Highlights include:
- Tea? That's the 1800s isn't it?
- Yeah, but how does it actually work?
- Strap in for the worst explanation of a game ever
- Why would you give away your milk?
- Just leave each other's tea alone!
- Alright darlin, flash us your kitchen
- Afternoon tea is only for ladies
- Tactics! Strategy! Tea!
- If it's already in the box from the start, is it an expansion?
- Nan's gone to bed, get the cocks out!
- Congratulations to Mark for remembering the format of an episode
Thursday Jul 28, 2022
Thursday Jul 28, 2022
Thursday Jul 28, 2022
Turns out that the self flying brooms were possessed, and now Jessie and Merida find themselves being whisked away to a mystery location - who or what will they find when they get there? And what will the rest of the team do without them?
Thursday Jul 21, 2022
Thursday Jul 21, 2022
Thursday Jul 21, 2022
It's Friday at Hollyfirth, and everyone is excited about the grand finale of Barry Cooper's tournament, with the prizes being presented at a special Whack concert. What could go wrong?
Thursday Jul 14, 2022
Thursday Jul 14, 2022
Thursday Jul 14, 2022
It's the end of our fourth year! Find out all the best bits! Highlights include:
- Derek Ring is yesterday's news
- Introducing the Fluxx Desk. Your drawers will never be the same again!
- Polyhedra sleeps...
- Trains and Potholes!!!!
- Which was the fake game?
- Mark cannot remember Mysterium
- Horrorclix is basically an ancient game now
- Sarah thinks the stickers are hilarious
- Mark seems to love Tiny Library way more than he let on
Thursday Jul 07, 2022
Thursday Jul 07, 2022
Thursday Jul 07, 2022
Mark's dream comes true as we play Brent Povis' other game! But can my dogs out... dog his? Highlights include:
- I'm still croaky
- A bonus surprise from Brent himself!
- Dog games are not my thing
- Mark finds reading the box particularly challenging
- Our first ever rondel
- I want to summon the dark lord Cthulhu, should I?
- Does Crufts still exist?
- A serious bagging issue has occurred
- What was the fake game?
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
It's 1930s Berlin and we're trying to choose the best government possible. The only problem is that one of us is secretly Hitler. Ugh! I hate it when that happens! Highlights include:
- Not as much fun as watching Madonna fall down the stairs at Eurovision
- Newent: It's a magical place
- Amanda's amazing 1933 Berlin intro was not recorded
- We're all here solely for the parliamentary procedure
- It's all about the lies
- Jane was a huge fascist just out of curiosity
- Being liberal isn't as fun as killing people
- Sarah thought there were more fascists than there actually were. We've all been there.
- I lost my 4
- Envelopes always make you feel like a spy
- Like most things, when you're dead, there's nothing to do
- Chancellor by default - it's a hollow victory
- Sarah's description of Cluedo: That game where it's you, in the room, with the knife
Thursday Jun 23, 2022
Thursday Jun 23, 2022
Thursday Jun 23, 2022
Meadows, streams, and a load of animals with specific requirements. Who can build the best ecosystem and keep everyone happy, or who'll end up with a poor bunny surrounded by wolves? Highlights include:
- Mark saw, Mark bought, we played
- Oooh, a biologically derived card game!
- Everyone knows the bears and the foxes don't get on
- Anybody heard of a Fwolf?
- Mark doesn't know the difference between a bee and a dragonfly
- You never know if your forest will get taken over by wolves - it's always a risk
- Yes, Mark does say 'coral leaf'
- Obviously, the next logical step is the zombie apocalypse
- Let's introduce some invasive bastards
Thursday Jun 16, 2022
Thursday Jun 16, 2022
Thursday Jun 16, 2022
Who can gain the most glory in this dice building game of quiddity, quarry and... q words! Highlights include:
- Brent Povis, are you still out there?
- As usual, we're playing things in the wrong order. Here's the version before Marvel Dice Masters
- Still not a fan of the rulebook...
- Nobody likes to win by default
- The more expensive a dice, the better, right?
- But could it be done with mushrooms?
- Summon the Royal Dorrier
- Games are always better when they're tactful
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
We're off for a scourage in the woods to see who can cook the best mushrooms. As you do. Highlights include:
- We were not actually mushrooms
- There's a pronunciation debate
- Don't use Twitter to tell someone who doesn't have Twitter to get Twitter
- You have to pick these mushrooms quick
- There are some complicated mushroom names
- It's all about the pans, baby!
- What the hell is scouraging?
- You won't believe this, but poison is bad
- Sorry, there isn't any delicious dinner tonight. I swapped it for sticks...
- Which came first, cider or fire?
- Why do you always use a wicker basket?
- Game mechanic - tick. Tasty mushroom medleys - cross.
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
We branch out in our escape game experience by trying Unlock. In French. Don't ask. Highlights include:
- We totally butcher some French (the language, not the people)
- Hooray for tutorial mode!
- On your guard, or on your toes - choose your translation
- The icy surface of Hoth is an environment that's shit
- The app is literally amazing
- A triangle has three sides, duh
- It's a messy FRAG this week...
- You can't criticise what you can't read
Thursday May 26, 2022
Thursday May 26, 2022
Thursday May 26, 2022
It's Thursday at Hollyfirth, but after finding an obvious clue the previous day, our heroes decide to complete ignore it. Whatever.
Thursday May 19, 2022
Thursday May 19, 2022
Thursday May 19, 2022
Things are heating up as the two schools prepare to compete for Barry Cooper's grand prize! But will this distract our heroes from the mysteries that the school campus is hiding?
Friday May 13, 2022
Friday May 13, 2022
Friday May 13, 2022
The Doctor and his companions have crash landed on a seemingly abandoned space ship. But, oh no!! It's infested with Weeping Angels, intent on sending us back to the past and stealing our life energy. I hate it when that happens. Can the heroes fix the Tardis and escape before it's too late? Highlights include:
- Mark can't remember what we played literally less than a week ago
- Weeping Agents would be an entirely different villain
- Backs to the walls, chaps
- Even the rules say the heroes won't win
- Sorry Doctor, it's not about you
- The game has middling complicatability
Friday May 06, 2022
Friday May 06, 2022
Friday May 06, 2022
The crew of the commercial tug Nostromo are in a bit of a pickle. After detouring to pick up a supposed distress signal, we're a man down and an alien up. Shit. Can we complete various tasks around the ship whilst avoiding the nefarious xenomorph? Highlights include:
- Typos ahoy!
- Ash is a dick
- Everyone knows androids love junk
- Instructions or flavour text?
- Bank Holiday History Lesson!
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
After a shocking attack on one of the students, can a celebrity visit from Serpentball star Barry Cooper lift the Hollyfirth spirits?
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
There's been a lot of deaths in our little Victorian town, but don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom! The ghosts are out in force, telling us exactly what flowers they want for their graves, and it's up to us to make their final wishes come true! Highlights include:
- It's a very alliterative box
- Sometimes it's a case of 'pass the duffer'
- Are orchids rare? No, they're in Tesco
- You have to please the ghost the most
- It's the Battle of Jenny Strachan!
- You wouldn't want to upset Dierdre's mourning husband...
- Funerals are real. Zombies are not real.
- Mark doesn't know the difference between fun and aesthetic
- It doesn't look Kickstartery
- Can you draw a photo-realistic ghost?
- Where's the dude from Oliver Twist when you need him?
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
This week we are furiously collecting works of art in the hopes of influencing the worth of our favourite artists. It's a tough old life... Highlights include:
- Unfortunately, business first
- Abalone is all balls
- No cats allowed in the gallery
- Fuck you Degas, you suck
- Nothing like a 'Cheeky Vincent'
- Classic art is famous for its lack of guns
- Apologies to Reiner Knizia - we cannot pronounce your name
Thursday Apr 07, 2022
Thursday Apr 07, 2022
Thursday Apr 07, 2022
We've been investigating a spooky old castle and now we've accidentally awoken a ghost (I hate it when that happens!) Who will be the first to escape the spirit's fiendish traps? Highlights include:
- Was I at the last EVER Clix tournament?
- Next week: Mince!
- I foolishly assumed I would win, then played like a total idiot
- It's way older than we thought
- Saw it. Bought it. Played it.
- Who calls their house 'Ghost Castle?' You're just asking for it, surely
- Sometimes, it's trigger one trap, get another trap free!
- When you're an old man, standing up is difficult
- Don't get twatted by the flap
- Would you rather get flapped up or tossed off?
- Sometimes you just have to take a risk
- Come on guys, marbles might seem fun at the time, but...
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
It's my team of monster hunters versus Mark's collection of general horror creatures! Who will win control of the graveyard? Will the game still click after so many years? Highlights include:
- It's been so long, I can't remember how old I was
- You're listening to an official Horrorclix Tournament Champion, baby!
- How do you choose a team when it's all just 'horror?'
- Clicker rings at the ready!
- The Alien Queen almost got taken out by Tesco Security...
- My priest gets a boyfriend!
- Who needs tactics when we can just meet in the middle and scrap!
- Jane Cleaver can't stand up straight... maybe she's drunk?
- Who is that cool superhero? Oh, it's Jesus...
Thursday Mar 24, 2022
Thursday Mar 24, 2022
Thursday Mar 24, 2022
Shit is going down all over time! Can the Doctor and his companions defend key locations around the galaxy from hoards of monsters, aliens, and general ne'er do wells? Highlights include:
- We created a Desperate Housewives paradox
- #SaveNeighbours
- I found it... aesthetically challenging
- All the cards have been put through the shit filter
- It comes complete with some player aid tomes
- Time Points are not Victory Points!
- We should have used Shufty, then Mark wouldn't be able to complain so much
- Just in case you didn't know, Mark has a Doctor Who Podcast
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
Welcome to Wisteria Lane, a hotbed of scandal and saucy secrets. Whose shady past will remain a mystery, and whose dirty laundry will be aired for all to hear? Highlights include:
- It's another victory for Mark... sorry
- The deckbuilders list gets even more questionable
- Who can build the best Paul?
- Prepare for some very naff American accents
- Spot the tin!
- You don't get shushed by enough board games these days...
- We've totally swapped roles
- Housewives are in fact, the lowest common denominator
- If you married a man and had a load of kids, you've failed at being a lesbian
- A red dice, how exciting!
- It needs more plastic women
Thursday Mar 10, 2022
Thursday Mar 10, 2022
Thursday Mar 10, 2022
We have 48 hours to complete a charitable mission, collecting as much free shit as we can! Get your beach buggy and your satellite phone, and away we go! Highlights include:
- As usual, it's a smooth start
- Mark ignores all my helpful notes
- You're such a deck bag
- There are some questionable games on the BGG Deckbuilding list
- There's lots of Anneka Rice impressions
- Barry isn't doing anything today
- I'm afraid you've phoned the deaf primary school
- There are some very untrustworthy volunteers
- Make your mind up... is it the Community Centre or the Community Hall?
- 1990 = shit
- It needs more Anneka Rice
Thursday Mar 03, 2022
Thursday Mar 03, 2022
Thursday Mar 03, 2022
The zombies have hit the casinos! As well as killing the undead hordes and searching for a helipad to escape, there's also gambling! Highlights include:
- Deckbuilding disappointment
- There's gambling... but why?
- Can you have too many expansions?
- You can't be a dog
- Who goes into a shop and buys Zombies 11?
Thursday Feb 24, 2022
Thursday Feb 24, 2022
Thursday Feb 24, 2022
We're back in space, duking it out for control of the Star Realms, but this time there's scenarios to change the game - will they help or hinder? Highlights include:
- We're both legendary commanders
- Mark's recap is particularly clear and concise
- It's 'Baby's First Deckbuilder'
- Mark is not that great
- There are a few pound shop spaceships
- There's a disappointing set up for next week...
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Are we too negative? Who's the most negative? Strap in for a montage of all the criticisms and rants we've had over the past three and a half years - reach your own conclusions, yeah?
Thursday Feb 10, 2022
Thursday Feb 10, 2022
Thursday Feb 10, 2022
Welcome to Hollyfirth! It's a new term at this formerly prestigious Milton Keynes based magical academy. What adventures await our students, Grace, Jessie and Xavier?
Thursday Feb 03, 2022
Thursday Feb 03, 2022
Thursday Feb 03, 2022
It's our Listeners' Choice episode! We gather supplies and recruit adventurers in the town, before setting off on the world map, questing and exploring and whatnot! Sometimes we're near, and sometimes we're far! Highlights include:
- Just to clarify guys, our names aren't actually Eyim and Rin
- Mark is inordinately impressed by the index
- There's a version for everyone!
- Let's rob the general store
- Has Mark solved what the name means?
- The Mystic doesn't give out very good presents...
- There's nothing wrong with a pagoda, if that's your jam
- I think I killed Mark's husband...
- Ok, but what are we actually trying to do?
- Mark repeatedly forgets to read the story...
- Mark is responsible for the deaths of many villagers
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Long John Silver is in jail, reluctantly giving out hints to the location of his buried treasure! Can the pirates of the Hispaniola track it down before Silver hatches his escape plan and beats them to it? Highlights include:
- Awful pirate accents!
- We've got cabin fever...
- I struggle with colours
- Drawing on the board??? Shudder!
- Where's Blind Pew?
- Am I telling the truth? Or am I a dirty liar?
- How to make your hints as useless as possible...
- The treasure has not been found
- Might I interest you in some boots?
- I made some bad horse-riding decisions
- It's basically CSI Treasure Island
- Coming soon, 'Midwife: The Game'
- It's a bit like the scary Watership Down style artwork
- Jim Hawkins: a 13 year old boy with the face of a 40 year old man
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
An episode that has literally been years in the making, Trains And Potholes is finally here! All we have to do is get our trains to all the stations - simple right? Not if those potholes have anything to do with it! Highlights include:
- Mark contradicts himself many times - see if you can count them all!
- It's been so long, I can't track down all the previous references
- I, famously, did not create Fireball XL5
- Trains cannot overtake each other. Fact.
- The age old dilemma: further your own progress or hinder someone else's... but with trains
- We feel immense sympathy for our imaginary passengers
- Everyone knows that all the great inventions started off with a little paper prototype
- We will now be calling at 19 Shit Alley
- Do NOT bring your baby on a safari
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
We're swapping the bikes for brooms as things get magical - but how does it compare to the original, and does the magic measure up? Highlights include:
- It starts with glowing blue ends and nobs
- Patrick reveals his magical heritage
- We treat Harry Potter like Voldemort... those books that shall not be named
- Is magic a help or a hindrance?
- The best subject at our magical school is actually Maths
- What exactly was the scandal of '78?
- I forgot the familiars... and sometimes the magic
- Who calculates the magic?
- If you get lost, make Bunty have a vision
- Where's the class schedule, eh?
- Just how many times can we say 'familiar?'
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
It's NYE and we embark on a mission to play board games from 12 noon to 12 midnight! Will we (Mark) have the stamina? And which game will we be playing at the crucial moment? Highlights include:
- We revisit some games we haven't played for ages!
- My beer drinking is ridiculously poor
- The excitement peaks early with an Exit card trick
- Get ready for a horrendous impression of Aunt Beru
- Even when we get the rules right, Xenoshyft is still impossible
- Aerion gets a second wind! Mark even wants to play it again!
- Battle For Biternia gives me the rage
- I said I was going to list all the games and episodes... but I can't be bothered
- Every time I say what game we're playing next, Mark acts like he's never heard of it
- Mark commits a heinous crime